OMSI After Dark: Sex edition
So I went to OMSI After Dark last night and let me just say, first of all, that it was awesome and it’s the perfect non-typical, new idea for a date. I mean, there were probably more couples than usual because it was the sex themed night, but still, it’s a great date spot just because it has the right mixture of activity to keep you busy while still allowing enough time for conversation and getting to know someone. Plus, anyone that goes out with me should know that I’m mostly just a big kid and love playing with toys, especially nerdy ones. Add a little alcohol and the absence of actual bratty children and I’m in heaven.
But one thing I was just thinking, as I was changing out of a shirt I’d worn several times and biked in, was the pheromone question. One of my (and everyone’s) favorite booths at the sexy OMSI AD was the smell tester. They had people sleep in a shirt for 5 nights and then put them in a bag for you to smell. Then you could say which ones you particularly liked or didn’t like and the booth tenders would tell you the profiles of the people. Age, sex, partnered or not, and if they were on birth control.
First of all, although I found most innocuous and don’t remember asking about the 1 or 2 repulsive ones, the ones I liked were all male, OR the store bought “pheromone” meant to attract women. Way to not be gay Alley. So that was kind of interesting in and of itself. I also thought it was interesting the heterosexually paired woman who kind of had the opposite experience of me, as she kept choosing “woman, 33, partnered, likes walks on the beach and spending time with my cat.”
One theory that was talked about was complimentary immunologies. That one would be attracted to someone who didn’t have the same allergies etc so that any potential offspring would have the best immune system of both. This makes sense but is also problematic. If smells can indicate sexual attraction what could possibly attract you to someone you couldn’t actually reproduce with? Also, I thought as I smelled by sweaty bike shirt, you could never possibly be attracted to yourself, at least through hormonal smell. But I kinda like the way my shirt smells. Perhaps Narcissus understands, even if science does not…
as someone who presents as butch/genderqueer & has dated other butch/genderqueers, I can’t tell you how often I got called a fag by other lesbians and the teasing that was tossed around, about whos the big butch bottom & so on. often times this came from folks who in the next breath were talking about femme invisibility & femme solidarity. heternormativity is silencing & sexist.
Many lesbian-identified women settle comfortably within a label that describes and validates their masculinity. Butch, Stud, AG, etc.
Often times, you see a couple with two masculine identified women. ButchxButch, StudxStud, AGxAG or variations of the above. The common denominator here is the attraction between two individuals who strongly* identify with female masculinity. These individuals face a ridiculously high level of discrimination within the gay community. (I’m guilty of it myself, despite my own attraction.)
Masculine4Masculine relationships between women are so quickly dismissed in the community as a “bro-mance” or a fling, that often there is no outside validation.
For a group or community that has battled against an outside society’s continuous efforts to force them to validate their OWN relationships, it’s a little ridiculous that this problem exists in the first place.
Heteronormativity dictates that only a masculine/feminine dynamic can be socially acceptable, aka femme/butch, femme/stud, femme/AG, other.
These strong stereotypes within the gay community based off of what a perceived lesbian couple “should look like” indicate a backwards-sort-of homophobia.
The stigma attached to the dual female masculinity attraction is often compared to “two gay guys kissing”. How awkward to think that within the gay community, we still find ourselves trapped within the mindset of heteropatriarchy.
Attraction is attraction. What more can be said? Being a lesbian does not require an attraction towards another woman who’s identity is perceived as the “opposite” of hers.
Cut out all of that extra shit.
Straight up, a lesbian is about being attracted to other women. Not all women, but women, nonetheless.
Studs, AGs, Butches and those who lean towards masculinity on the gender scale are still ultimately women.
Often, a question I see kicked up is What about in the BEDROOM? How can two dominant personality types sexually relate?
Not all masculine women are dominant, much like how not all feminine women are submissive. Each person has their own sexual preference and comfort zone, irregardless of their individual masculine/feminine identity.
While in a relationship, it’s not just about sex. Not for heterosexual couples, and not for homosexual couples.
here’s a thought: Women who share similar balances of femininity and masculinity may be able to connect and relate to eachother easier because of these similar mind sets.
At the end of the day, what women do in their own bedroom is between them, not anyone else.
This internalized homophobia that is infecting the gay community can only be destructive. Embrace the things you do not understand and conquer ignorance.
Shunning women because of their attractions is cutting out a limb of the gay community that will only cripple us as a whole.
“Strength is in numbers, not in separatism.”
Fidensmind at Writing.com
(Source: bookishboi)
Not being racist is not some default starting position. You don’t simply get to say you’re not a racist; not being racist — or a sexist or a homophobe — is a constant, arduous process of unlearning, of being uncomfortable, of eating crow and being humbled and re-evaluating. It’s probably hard to start that process if you’ve been told that every thought you have is golden and should be given voice, and that people who are offended by what you say are hypersensitive simpletons.
– PostBourgie (via xthread, meowsense) (via iragray) Via That Blog About That Queer Kid
Because that’s what we really need: more advertising beating you over the head with antiquated gender roles. Thx, Dr. Pepper!
C’mon really?
About me
All my musings (bikes, queer, PDX, sex etc) that don't fit on my blog, Facebook page, Reddit, Digg, or chat status for my personal, work, or other work aka freelancing and owning a completely non-money-making enterprise known as qPDX...
